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Young Writers Society



Onomatopoeia

by J. Haux


This was co-written by three tired teenagers after a sleepover (myself, and two friends: Jessica Heartman, Janel Horcrux). Jessica pushed me to submit it, so...

Onomatopoeia

Strangled by a sunbeam
Early in the morning
While sittin’ by a gurgling stream
This poem’s really boring.

Captured by a moonbeam
Later that day
Saw a little squirrely
Running away.

Attacked by a balance beam
Right before lunch
Tried to run away, but—
Crunch!

Blinded by a laser beam
That night at ten o’ clock
Saw dancing capybaras,
I must have been in shock.

Crushed beneath a ceiling beam
In a hotel by the bay.
The hostess stopped to ask me
How I enjoyed my stay.

I was strangled by a sunbeam
Early in the morning.
Now people are practicing
The homophone of morning.


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Mon Feb 20, 2006 3:01 am
xanthan gum says...



haha. cute, funny, waste of space...I like it.




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Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:07 pm
Fireweed wrote a review...



Cool. Though it's random and non-sensical, it's quite clever... Interesting what a sleep-deprived mind (or rather 3 sleep deprived minds in this case) can come up with. Dancing capybaras and lazer beams... awesome.

This went on a bit and began to lose it's spark by the end, but it made me smile. Congrats to you and your buddies. :mrgreen: :thumb: :elephant:




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Fri Jan 20, 2006 12:44 am
Snip Snip says...



This is a good poem, but also one of the WEIRDEST ever. I like the strangled by sunbeams line, and the moonbeam line too :D




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Thu Jan 12, 2006 11:15 pm
millie says...



:D ha ha that was a cool poem but kind of funny
I liked it!!!!




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Mon Jan 09, 2006 10:23 pm
Crysi wrote a review...



Teehee. That was very amusing. I kept looking for the onomatopoeia, and I wondered why you called it that if there was only one. :P Very cute though. Sounds like something Mesh and I would come up with in the wee hours of the morning on soda and chocolate...




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Mon Jan 09, 2006 7:05 am
Shriek says...



Haha, loved it.
Especially "...This poem’s really boring." It's great when writers put down their work within the work... or, at least I find it humorous. Anyhow, nice job. You three should write together more often. : )




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Wed Dec 28, 2005 1:42 am
Snoink says...



I reread this... it's still awesome. I mean... the word "beam" in the first line of the stanza... priceless!




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Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:25 pm
David Guinness says...



Also reminds me of Weird Al!




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Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:23 pm
David Guinness says...



A tad morbid, wouldn't you say?

Very funny. I like that there's only one onomatopoeia.

How about adding Jim Beam? Actually, it sounds like this was written under the influence of Jim Beam...




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Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:56 pm
J. Haux says...



Isn't it nice? That's all I've posted and people have been really nice...




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Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:42 pm
Jessie Hartman says...



Interesting...I didn't think anybody would comment on it, much less enjoy reading it. I mean, we wrote this after sleeping for maybe four hours. I like how random rhyme becomes appreciated art. I adore alliterations.




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Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:15 am
Duskglimmer wrote a review...



J. Haux wrote:Glad you liked it. Actually, I was deadly afraid someone would see this and comment...but you guys have been nice. Hm...:)


The point of this was to be random, so all you can really do is laugh. Trying to critque and turn it into something serious would just be useless... so instead, we just laugh with you and bask in the randomness. :D




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Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:32 pm
J. Haux says...



I'm so glad! :D




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Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:27 pm
Boni_Bee says...



LOL, this was hilarious!!! I liked it, and it had a good twist of humor. :P




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Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:19 pm
J. Haux says...



An onomatopoeia is a word that is used to describe a sound of some sort, like "Honk!" "Ping!" "Ring!" "Errr---eeek!" "Moo!" "Oink!" "eee-aww!" "Boom!" etc...And the one onomatopoeia we had was "Crunch", so we decided to call it that. A random title to go with a random poem. :D

Glad you liked it. Actually, I was deadly afraid someone would see this and comment...but you guys have been nice. Hm...:)




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Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:59 pm
4evadreamin wrote a review...



Hey, this made me laugh, it was cool. It didn't make any sense but it was still really cool... Liked how you used all the different beams, tell your friends I liked it! :D

Didn't really understand the title... But I'm a dozy blond and I had to search the word on google. Would you mind explaining a little?




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Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:26 am
J. Haux says...



lol :D Complete and UTTER nonsense. I'm glad you...enjoyed it. *laughs*

I didn't think anyone would reply. lol But I'm glad it was you, Dusky, and that you read it late/early and could fully...appreciate it. :wink:

Did you catch the onomatopoeia?




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Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:00 am
Duskglimmer says...



*blinks*

*begins to giggle* that was all complete nonsense, but I liked it. But maybe that's because I'm reading it pretty late at night/early in the morning myself... but just... lol.





*gestures in butterfly meme*
— BluesClues